Unstable
by Burritoyum
Summary: "My name is Katniss Everdeen, I am seventeen years old. Prim is gone. Dad is gone. My mother is an abusive drunk. I'm an emotional wreck. I am nobody, yet I am the center of his world. I'm afraid of what will come of this, unsure if this is real. How could anyone love me when everything close to me is taken away? I don't understand it, but I'm slowly falling for him, for Peeta." AU
1. Unforgettable

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games..**

**So, I wanted to do a really AU thing, where Katniss is in a rough place, etc.. and in result, this is the sort of plot I came up with! I hope you enjoy, I plan on updating this regularly, blah blah blah.**

**Just as a warning, there is very mild cursing throughout the story, but it is only placed where appropriate..**

**I hope you enjoy this story, as I enjoy writing it!**

**Leave Reviews for the next chapter! :)**

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_The darkness of my mind_

_It seems to pull forwards,_

_Instead of hide._

_I think about the things_

_That I have lost,_

_That I need_

_I miss the sight of her little blonde braids_

_The laugh that awakened the room_

_Now all that's left _

_Is the person inside of me_

_And that person's destined for doom._

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**_Chapter One: Unforgettable_**

I look around the empty room, tears pouring down my face. I let out another sob, knowing that there's nobody here now to care. I place my hand on the empty space beside me, my heart breaking all over again as I think of the girl who used to sleep beside me.

Prim's gone. My dad's gone. My mother's an abusive drunk. I'm an emotional wreck.

I begin repeating the mantra that usually helps me grasp reality.

_My name is Katniss Everdeen. My father died when I was eleven, which caused my mom to become abusive and addicted to alcohol. And drugs. Prim died a month ago in a car accident, hit by a drunk driver. She's dead. She's... gone. _I take a deep breath, choking back another sob. _Since Prim's death Mom's gotten worse. She stays out later in the bar and comes back, sometimes with men. Sometimes, she's in a drunken rage. Occasionally, she'll let some of the men beat me with her. __The rages are worse than the men. _I'm an emotional wreck, and I have no one to talk to. I am easily forgotten. I am unloved. I am nobody. This is my life.

I hear the door slam, and wipe my tears from my eyes hastily before pulling my knees to my chest like a child afraid of the dark. My bedroom door opens violently, and my mother stumbles in.

"Get up, get up," she slurs. When I don't do so right away, she comes over and slaps my cheek with enough force for it to sting painfully. She raises her hand again and I flinch, getting off my bed abruptly.

I try to stand tall, but overall just feel weak. We've been out of food for a while- I've been too depressed to hunt lately. It's not like I've been eating much, anyways. The wound of Prim's death is still too fresh...

She inspects me with narrowed eyes before coming up to me quickly, all signs of her drunken state diminished into a look of pure rage. Tears pool in her eyes as she stares at me longer and longer, making me feel even more uncomfortable.

"You shouldn't be alive," she whispers, looking down. Her eyes travel to my face. "Goddammit, Joseph, you should be here!" she screams out brokenly.

Suddenly I understand. She's having another one of her episodes. She doesn't realize that it's me standing in front of her; to her, she's just seeing a nightmare of sorts. Dread pools in my stomach as I look at her with a new fear. She thinks I'm the one who killed dad, and now Prim as well.

She's never stable when she goes into these. I used to hide with Prim in the closet to avoid as much as I could, sheltering her from the insanity of our own mother, but I was too depressed to notice the signs, the little hints at what's coming. I should have payed more attention...

She looks at me with a new glint in her eyes, one I've never been around to witness. I've always been able to escape her path when she's like this, but now I'm right here in front of her.

I look around for some sort of shelter, but come up with nothing. I glance at her, shivering at the murderous glaze her eyes have taken on.

Quickly, I dart to the side in hopes of getting past her and to the bathroom, where I could lock myself for safety.

I have no such luck as I only make it to the doorway before her bony fingers grasp at me, scratching long lines down my forearm. I yelp as she tugs me backwards, causing me to smack into the wall with a sickening _thud_.

I can feel a sticky warmth run down the back of my head where it'd made contact, but have no time to worry about it as my mother appears in front of me.

I begin crying out for her, wishing more than anything that she'll come out of her haze as she did for Prim.

"Mom! It's me, don't you remember? It's Katniss, your daughter. Please stop," I beg frantically, but my pleads don't appear to effect her.

She grabs one of my shoulders with unexpected strength, and slams it backwards as I try to get out of her reach.

With her free hand, she rakes her long and jagged nails down my right arm, and I let out a scream as tears slip out of my eyes. I kick my feet out, hoping to make contact with any part of her. My foot strikes her shin, and her grip loosens as she curses, giving me just enough time to get out.

I sprint to the bathroom, trying to lock the door as fast as I can with my trembling hands. I hear her screech of fury followed by footsteps, and I step away from the door, putting as much distance as I can between it and myself. My hand shakily raises to the back of my head, feeling it instantly cover with sticky warmth. I pull my hand back hesitantly, my eyes widening at the blood that covers it. I place my hand down, ignoring the searing pain on my arm. I begin to relax slightly, thinking that my mother's visions have stopped.

My whole body jumps as the door rattles on its hinges, and my mother screams with rage on the other side. The door shakes violently until I hear it give, the door breaking from the hinges.

My eyes are wide in fear and silent tears stream down my face as I scream out, trying to snap her out of her trance.

"Mom! Please!" I scream out as she grabs my braid and punches me in my face. I begin to sob, feeling blood trickle from my lip.

"Mom!" I say, a new tactic clicking in my fuzzier mind. "Think of Prim! And dad! You need to calm down for them!" I cry.

"You killed them!" She snarls accusingly, not truly seeing. "You're the reason they're dead!" she roars, sending my head into the tile wall behind me. My vision begins to blur, but I know that I can't pass out right now; then she'd be capable of killing me easily. My body slides down the wall and into a sitting position, and I try to protect my face.

"Mom! Please!" I shout again through my hands, feeling like a broken record. "I- I love you!" I sob, and her punches and kicks delay for a moment before starting again. It clicks in my hazed mind that these are the words she needs to hear.

"I love you," I say those three words over and over, each time my voice becoming more frantic- each time losing their meaning more and more. She kicks and beats my body with slowing deliberation, until she stops all at once. I let out a shaky sigh, though I keep my body tense in precaution, and look up at her.

She blinks at me before calmly walking out of the room as if her only living daughter wasn't bleeding on the bathroom floor. _I think I'd like it that way more than if she actually were to acknowledge me._

I try to stand up, but find it far too difficult. Instead, I crawl slowly to my room and retrieve my phone from the drawer in my nightstand. I only ever use it to talk to Johanna, my best friend, but I haven't seen her since Prim's funeral. Haven't talked to her since I found out Prim's death. I've shut as many people out as I could, and even if I feel bad about it, I can't find it in me to care. The school has given me a month and a half to grieve, of which the time ends next week.

I sniffle as I choose her number out of my contacts, trying to keep it together long enough to have a conversation with her. I hear the front door slam shut, and I know that my mother has left.

I listen to the ringing tone until she picks up on the fourth ring, like always.

"Katniss?" her relieved voice comes through, though it's laced with worry.

"Hey, Jo," I say, trying to sound light, but voice cracks and my strained voice give away how distressed I am.

"Kat, what is it?" she asks concernedly, knowing that I'm not one to cry- much less have someone know about it. She and I are alike in areas like that. I don't cry unless something is really bad, and I'd only cried three times in the past six years before Prim's death. Now I can't seem to hold it together.

The dam breaks.

"Jo," I manage out through heavy sobs. "Could you come get me? My mom's gone- is it okay if I spend the night?"

"Kat..." she trails off, not sure what to say. That's another thing that we're both bad with: emotions. "Of course you can stay. What's wrong?" she asks tensely.

"Um," I clear my throat, trying to regain composure again, though I fail miserably. "Just come and pick me up. I'm in my room, I'll explain later," I pause as a headache throbs painfully at the back of my head. "I... Uh..." I lose my train of thought, my vision blurring again. "Just hurry, okay?" I say, slurring the last word slightly. I don't know when my mother will come back.

She gives me a rushed okay, and I can already hear shuffling in the background before she hangs up. I can count on Johanna with things like this.

In the four years that we've been friends, I've refused to tell her anything about my life at home. Now, though, with my sister gone and my mother's drinking habits reaching an all time high, I think it's time I told somebody who I trust.

I'm sure I look like a mess when I hear her old truck pull up; sitting in the corner of my room, crying, bloodied and bruised, my knees drawn up to my chest.

I hear her knock at the door, but I can't find the strength to call out. I hear the familiar sound of the lock being picked- typical Johanna- before her voice talking, and a deep voice responding. _Who is she talking to?_

I'm not able to focus on more than one thing at once as my body seems to do is convulse with pain.

"Kat?" I hear her worried voice call into the dark house. I'd forgotten that it's already seven o'clock.

Two sets of footsteps near in the hallway leading to my room, and I hear her talking in a hushed voice to the second person. She opens the door and flicks the lights on, and I flinch as the lights brighten the room. I hear both gasp, and they stand at my door, shocked. I give a dead smile before my attention turns to the second figure. While my vision is lined with creeping blackness, I can tell that it is a boy, not much older than Jo and I. He has blonde hair, but what strikes me most are his eyes.

_There's no way eyes could be that blue._

"Katniss?" I hear Johanna's voice croak out with disbelief before rushing over to me. I look to her through half-lidded eyes and let out a choked sob, before gulping it down.

"Sorry to interrupt," I mumble out to her, glancing suggestively to the boy she came with. I obviously interrupted a date. Her eyes hold tears as she shakes her head quickly left and right.

"No, no, no. This is Peeta; I stopped by his house to pick him up. When I heard your voice on the phone, I didn't know what to do... I panicked, you sounded weak, so.." she trails off. I swallow heavily before nodding slowly, and my eyes begin closing on their own.

"Katniss," I hear her say urgently, and she shakes my shoulder. It sends waves of pain through me and I can feel my face drain of any color it held.

"Katniss," I hear Peeta call out from besides me, and I become confused as my eyes open slightly. I don't remember him walking over.

"Kat," she nearly shouts this time as my eyes shut again, her voice thick with tears.

"Don't fall asleep, okay? Stay awake," she begs me, but the darkness takes over fully, consuming my hearing and sight, feeling and mind.

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**Note: _Preview for next chapter is at the end of this chapter! _**So, this is the newest plot/ story I've come up with so far. What did you think? I wanted to do a story that was more of an AU universe, where Katniss is in high school or college- I haven't decided which yet- , but I wanted to focus on something different than most out today. I hope you enjoyed this. Check out my other stories, I update them as regularly as I can manage!

_Preview to Chapter Two_

The nightmares plague both my wake and sleep, and I become unsure of which is which soon.

I wake from unconsciousness multiple times, each time from the horrific events that play behind my closed eyes. Most times, I'm screaming of crying. Sometimes, I can hear someone else crying, but I'm not sure who. I want desperately to open my eyes, but find that my body doesn't wake up as soon as my mind.

So here I am, trapped in my body- if you want to put it dramatically. This all sounds like a theatre performance. Oh, I'm sure the drama students would love to transform this into an act.

I listen to the noises that surround me. I hear shuffling somewhere in the room, and sniffling. Two sets of sniffling?

My heart aches as the faint noise reminds me of Prim. My sweet little sister who deserved more than this life could have ever given her. I feel a silent tear track down my cheek, but I'm unable to wipe it away, or even stop more from escaping. I have no real control over my muscles.

Deciding that even a terror-filled sleep is better than being unable to do anything but lie here and involuntarily weep.

As I once again slip into sleep, I feel a warm hand wipe away the tears on my face gently, though even the slight contact hurts. A deep voice speaks, but my mind is too far gone at the moment to truly recognize it.

"I'm sorry this happened to you, Katniss. Johanna and I, we've been so worried about you. You have to wake up soon, though. We brought you to her house after you went unconscious... Jo was hysterical, and I suppose I was too. Even if you don't know me that much, I hope we can get close. I... I don't know if we could do without you."

There's sniffle from the corner of the room before Johanna's voice croaks out, "You better explain what the hell happened, Brainless."

I inwardly smile at my nickname from her before falling back into a deep slumber.

**Like it? Leave Reviews! More reviews means faster update, so get movin'! ;)**

**~Burritoyum**


	2. Suspicions Confirmed

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games...**

**Hey! So, I'm going to talk more at the bottom make sure to read the starred (*) bolded and underlined areas of these little 'side notes' and A/Ns, by the way, they will entail info I want you to know, **but I thought I'd begin incorporating Questions and Answers so that there is less confusion within the chapters!

. . . .

**TheRisingAlleria said:**

Love it! Maybe you could do senior year, high school transition into college or something like that? _Yeah, I think that that's a great solution! I think around maybe senior year of high school? That would fit in, I think. Thanks!_

** *Any questions or confusion you have towards this story, feel free to leave a review!**

**Enjoy! :)**

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_I shy away_

_One inch at a time_

_Nothing is safe_

_As long as I'm still nearby_

_I want to say aloud_

_The thoughts that I'm thinking_

_But this hope that's within_

_Won't stop sinking._

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**_Chapter Two: Suspicions Confirmed_**

The nightmares plague both my wake and sleep, and I become unsure of which is which soon.

I wake from unconsciousness multiple times, each time from the horrific events that play behind my closed eyes. Most times, I'm screaming of crying. Sometimes, I can hear someone else crying, but I'm not sure who. I want desperately to open my eyes, but find that my body doesn't wake up as soon as my mind.

So here I am, trapped in my body- if you want to put it dramatically. This all sounds like a theatre performance. Oh, I'm sure the drama students would love to transform this into an act.

I listen to the noises that surround me. I hear shuffling somewhere in the room, and sniffling. Two sets of sniffling?

My heart aches as the faint noise reminds me of Prim. My sweet little sister who deserved more than this life could have ever given her. I feel a silent tear track down my cheek, but I'm unable to wipe it away, or even stop more from escaping. I have no real control over my muscles.

I've decided that even a terror-filled sleep is better than being unable to do anything but lie here and involuntarily weep.

As I once again slip into sleep, I feel a warm hand wipe away the tears on my face gently, though even the slight contact hurts. A deep voice speaks, but my mind is too far gone at the moment to truly recognize it.

"I'm sorry this happened to you, Katniss. Johanna and I, we've been so worried about you. You have to wake up soon, though. We brought you to her house after you went unconscious... Jo was hysterical, and I suppose I was too. Even if you don't know me that much, I hope we can get close. I... I don't know if we could do without you."

There's sniffle from the corner of the room before Johanna's voice croaks out, "You better explain what the hell happened, Brainless."

I inwardly smile at my nickname from her before falling back into a deep slumber.

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This time, when I wake up, I'm able to open my eyes. Bright lights cause me to squint, and I swallow before wincing at the fire that envelopes my dry throat.

My eyes scan the empty room, coming to the conclusion that I'm in Jo's bedroom. I vaguely remember a comforting voice talking to me, but quickly dismiss it as another dream. I can hear her voice farther away, and a clank of metal before assuming that she's in the kitchen. I sit up and try calling her name, but words refuse to come out and instead quiet grunts escape. Licking my lips, I swallow again before calling out. This time, a barely audible, "Johanna?" comes out, and I can't help but feel a hint of pride. I try clearing my throat to the point of where tears build up, and try again, successful at this attempt.

"Jo?" I call out, my hoarse voice sending chills down my spine, but hear her voice continue on. How long have I been out? I try again, and immediately chide myself for the desperation that's evident in my voice. I hear her voice stop abruptly before a small whisper and footsteps rushing towards the closed door.

She bursts through the door, her eyes immediately filled with relief as they land on me, and she rushes over.

"Katniss!" she exclaims before flinging herself on me and hugging me. I suppress a pained grunt before hugging her back. In this past month, I'd forgotten that there are other people outside my world. A pang of guilt hits me, but I push it aside.

She lets go before a serious expression takes over her face. "Brainless, you better explain what happened," she tells me, her eyes pent up with emotions.

I look away. _Would it be so bad to tell the truth? To have somebody who **knows**? But... Knowing Johanna, she'd go ballistic, surely. She'd probably call somebody about it, and they'll call someone about it, and the police will come... _I sigh, but remain silent. I trust Johanna with all my heart, but-

"Katniss," she says again, gaining my attention again. She's said my full name more times lately than she's ever spoken in the four or so years we've known each other; she only uses it when she's worried or angry.

"What _happened,_" she says, and I have to hold back the flinch at her tone, toning it down to the slight twitch of my eye. Her expression softens, though her eyes harden more so.

"Kat, is that why I've never been to your house?" She asks me, and panic swells up in my chest. Has she figured it out? Could she have connected the dots?

Her voice reduces to a gentle whisper. "Did you do this to yourself?" she asks cautiously, her eyes flickering down to the long scars that run down my arm. My tired brain takes a moment to fully register what she's saying, before my eyes widen in shock.

"What? You think I _hurt myself intentionally_?" I speak to her directly for the first time, slightly offended. She raises her hands up in defense.

"I'm not sure!" she exclaims, clearly hurt that I won't tell her. "It would make sense, though. I've _never_ been to your house, Prim's died recently, your mom's drunk most of the time-" she stops abruptly, her eyes matching my rounded ones.

I look at her chocolate brown eyes, and see the last piece of the puzzle click in place. She's figured it out. My heart drops.

"Katniss," she whispers out, her voice seemingly gone. Her eyes flicker to mine, but I turn my gaze down, feeling the color drain from my face.

I hear her sharp intake of breath, and the bed sinks down beside me where she takes seat. I try to delay the inevitable.

"How long have I been out?" I ask her, trying to change the subject quickly.

"It was your mom," she says, more of a statement than a question. My silence only confirms it. I glance over at her, trying to rate her reaction, and by the hand that covers her mouth and the silent tears that have welled up within her eyes- I'd say she's pretty upset.

"Well," I say, forcing a light tone, as if this were all a joke, "I guess-"

"You need to tell me everything," she commands, cutting me off.

My stubbornness cuts in.

"Johanna," I say warningly.

"Katniss," she says back in the same tone, and I roll my eyes.

"I don't need you worrying about this. I don't need anybody worrying about this, okay? I don't want pity, or charity, or any help, okay?" I'm unable to stop the words that flow from my mouth, and once I say it, I instantly feel bad, but it's the truth.

Nobody will give a damn, nobody ever does. All anybody does around here is ignore, or try to sympathize. After Prim's death, all I'd hear was 'Oh, I know how you must feel right now' or 'Oh, I'm sorry for your loss'. It's all so overwhelming, and they don't know. Each loss, it's different, no two are alike. Each person I lose has memories, _feelings_, attached, and each of their deaths is just another part of my soul torn from me. I'd give anything to have them back, _anything_. It just feels like each person that I let in fully is just taken from me, and I don't want to lose Johanna. I'm on the verge of breaking already..

"You can't keep me from worrying, Brainless," she says after a few moments. "The only thing to keep me from worrying so much is to tell me the truth."

The tiniest amount of relief mixes with the dread. I'll no longer have to keep this secret to myself.

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**Note: **Yeah, I know, a short chapter, but I felt like this was a good place to end it. I went back through chapter one and was thoroughly embarrassed at some of the grammatical errors I found there, so I've gone back and corrected a few things... I wrote that one on the Notes app on my phone, so basically: _never again will I do that. _*shudders*.

So, I hope you truly enjoyed it, and leave me reviews!**  
**

Also, sorry, no preview for the next chapter

*****(^ since this one was short...) _But, for the same reason, **if one of you guys writes an awesome review, I'll PM you the preview! **_

***Review any questions you have about the story, and I'll answer them the best I can in the beginning of the next update!**

*******The next chapter will not be updated until I get at least a decent amount of reviews (And you guys don't know what my definition of decent is... So, get writing!)**

Love you guys, as always!

~Burritoyum


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